the tragedies of chemistry
by fallendrastic
Summary: We're spinning circles down the avenues instead. Tribute to the first season of One Tree Hill.


**a/n; **Wow, I haven't written anything in months. This is my first, and it's OTH, what do you know. After the Leyton-deprived series finale, I've been re-watching Season One and Season Two, which are my favourite seasons. I decided to write a tribute OTH fanfiction dedicated to those seasons and the couples that were in that season. It's vaguely AU, but enjoy. :) Title belongs to _You're the Reason I Come Home _by Ron Pope, so does the summary, and the lyrics mentioned here are from _Sweet Disposition _by The Temper Trap, _Halo _by One Tree Hill, _Almost Lover_ by A Fine Frenzy, and _Over It_ by Katharine McPhee.

**the tragedies of chemistry**

::

_a moment of love, a kiss, a cry, our rights, our wrongs,  
lucas/brooke._

Two indecisive high school students, caged in a small town, trying to find themselves.

He's the jock, she's the cheerleader, and it feels right for them to be together. It feels different, dangerously so, when she leans into him and smiles for the camera that isn't there, because something sparks inside her heart, something suspiciously like fireworks, and the security her blue-and-white cheerleading uniform brought her just disappears, and suddenly she's _vulnerable_.

It's the way he looks at her; with reverence, with respect, the way his fingers brush against hers and the way his brilliant blue eyes gleam with sincerity and (maybe) love when she stares. The way he plays with her straight locks and presses his lips against the side of her head, bringing comfort to spring in her veins, the way he _makes her feel_.

It's terrifying, to feel the way she does around him, to feel like she needs him desperately. He's the air that she breathes, the life that is inside of her, and she can't make all these feelings go away. His smile warms her heart, his eyes sparkle, his hand fits perfectly into hers. She's giving her heart away, and she can't do anything about it, and it _scares_ her.

He kisses her.

::

_i wear a halo when you look at me,  
nathan/haley._

Everybody else says they did it all too fast.

Haley tries to avoid the disapproving stares, the narrowed eyes, the whispers and the judgemental stares almost everyone passes whenever she strolls by. Like she doesn't understand anything about commitment, like she's just another dumb teenage girl so deeply in love that her vision is blurred and her mind is clogged by foolish fantasies.

But she knows she's right. Whenever she lays on her bed and stares at her ring, watches it shine under the sunbeams, a smile curves on her glossed mouth and a peace settles in her heart. It reminds her of Nathan; his smile, his eyes, his dimples, how his voice sounds like summer rain to her, the comforting feel of his hand running against her cheek, tracing meaningful patterns and the way he says her name.

It's a promise, indulged with the ring, and moulded onto her ring finger. His eyes shine like gold whenever he sees it on her hand, and she doesn't miss the way he begins to smile as he leans over and kisses her hand lovingly.

She writes her love letters with every kiss, speaks every vow with every hug, makes a thousand promises with a thousand hand-holds. She wishes for eternity with him, and her heart beat increases, as she crosses her legs over his. _  
_

But she also has another love; performing. It fills her veins, exhilaration does, when she stands up on stage and sings her heart out, feeling the melody leaving her lips and the awe filling the gleaming eyes of her onlookers. And when Chris Keller gives her the opportunity to go on tour, Haley takes it, because she knows how much she will regret it if she doesn't.

"I will always love you," she promises Nathan, because she knows she's about to break his heart. She takes a deep breath and tells him about the tour, and watches the way his eyes flood with feelings of betrayal and hurt, and how the coldness of his gaze intensifies when she tells him she's leaving.

He leaves and she's left alone.

::

_my hopeless dream, i'm trying not to think about you  
lucas/peyton._

She hates herself.

Peyton isn't supposed to fall in love with Lucas. She's not even supposed to _like _Lucas. But he has some sort of control over her; his eyes and his smile and his laugh and the way he hugs her and protects her and is always there for her, no matter how she treats him. The way he can see through her façades, the way he is able to see past the harsh stares and the deception, the cruelness of her glares and her sharp words, he looks past of all of that and sees her for _her._

And then she tells him about her mother, the genuine sincerity and the care that lingers in his brilliant blue eyes. Lucas Scott _cares_, but the thing is, he's always wanted _her_ first, he always dreamed of _her_, _she_ was the girl he admired, she knows this.

But then he comes across Brooke Davis, the beautiful cheer captain, the prettiest girl on the squad (and in Tree Hill), according to everybody else in this damned school, with the obvious exclusion of Rachel, he forgets all about Peyton. So then she goes for Jake, and then falls for him, and tries to forget about Lucas. But _no _- he absolutely has to come back into her life, mess with her head, and love her.

So then he kisses her, and she can't resist, because _damn_ she's in so deep she's not sure if she can ever get out, and her stupid webcam is on and Brooke sees it and they end up in a love triangle and everything is just so damn _wrong_.

It's all because she fell in love with the wrong person at the wrong time. And then she hates herself even more, but the way he kisses her, god - she can't breathe and her mind fogs up and his fingers trail up her shoulder and he tells her that he _wants all of her - good and bad_. It's too hard to believe, but it's true, and all of that scares her so much she runs away. She knows herself, and knows she'd just hurt him overall.

She loathes herself for being a coward. But she hates herself even more for hurting him.

::

_for wanting you to be wanting me,  
__nathan/peyton_

He was the star basketball player and she was the beautiful cheerleader, labelled Prom Queen, who wore dark t-shirts and, through harshness and icy stares, possessed a great, heavily-guarded heart that he never really got to be a part of. She always belonged to someone else, emotionally, and he knows that they could never really be anything, but he thinks that he was a little in love with her, before he met Haley.

He remembers her wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him into a comforting hug on the rare occasions he loses a basketball game. He remembers cheering her on in her cheerleading matches and smiling with absolute pride whenever she flipped backwards expertly, and he knew that she secretly hated cheerleading, and only joined because of her mother's apparent love for the sport.

He never really knew how to love her, though. She was always broken inside, and he always knew that, but he never said it; just broke her more, left her feeling unloved and unwanted, because that's what he would feel whenever he had an issue with his dad. He would break her, as much as he could, whenever he felt like it, and played innocent whenever she realized his intentions.

"I could have loved you, Sawyer," he tells her, and she raises an eyebrow as she stares at him wordlessly. And now, he's happy, because he has Haley and she loves him and he loves her, but in the midst of it all, he can't help but wonder what if he loved Peyton, and if she loved him back, and all of the other distractions didn't happen, and if they had an actual chance of working out. He thinks he could have been happy, and that she could have, too.


End file.
